Captured in a Jar
BARELY USED
PERFECT CONDITION
ORIGINAL OWNER (but not originator)
FREE MASON JAR, LABEL, and SCIENTIFIC PAPERS
Affordable Solution for the Amateur Gastroenterologist
Have the MOST REVOLTING JAR in your neighborhood
Foul! Gag-Inducing! Of the "Rotten" genus (farticus rottenus, see below)!
IMPORTANT: the loaded mason jar along with its accompanying scientific papers IS NOT intended as a very clever "gag" gift. So don't even think that. This is serious research and I only want like-minded serious individuals to help carry on my search for truth.
- Approx. 110 milliliters of gas
- 0.0 lbs. (trace); and only 0.0" high
- Integrated textured nuances
- Supports full range of display standards, including bookshelf, counter, nightstand, coffeetable
- Includes label and a sleek jar which allows easy, no hassle and stylish transport
What is a fart?
Fart is an English word which, when used literally, refers to the bodily function of flatulence. The word is generally considered to be mildly offensive and unsuitable for formal settings by modern English speakers, though more conservative locales may consider the word to be vulgar. "Fart" can be used as a verb or noun.
While the primary use of the word fart refers to flatulence, it has other meanings. The phrase "to fart around" refers to goofing off or wasting time; and an "old fart" is a somewhat derogatory term for a person who is old-fashioned or of advanced age.
Types of farts
Bubbly Wet: When the person commiting the fart hasn't quite wiped his buttox well enough, if the fart is broken up in fragments, this is known as a bubbly wet
Squeeker: The squeeker comes in all shapes and sizes... A list of the types of squeekers are as follows:
Lengthy: This squeeker seems to never want to end, and usually changes in sound and depth has it progresses.
Quick: Sometimes hard to hear, this one is short, and is occasionally followed up by it's other farts, commonly known as it's "peer farts" (Which are of the same class, or group).
Shotgun: This fart is explosive, and comes out as a huge bang, or PUHT!. It is usually followed up with everyone running for the hills, or having a good laugh!
Assault rifle: The infamous assault rifle. Who knows who'll get shot (or end up smelling like a stinker!) This one is broken up in several fragments, which could go on for 20, to 30 putts. If you have any friends around, see who can get their assault rifle the most broken up, you can make a game out of it!
Silent but deadly: This is regarded as one of the worst farts in history. No one has the chance to avoid this, it just suddenly sneaks up and bites you on your ass (or the inside of your nose).
Air Gun: This one sounds like a silent swoosh, as if there is nothing preventing it from coming out. This is usually during a poop.
Rotten: Usually followed up by poor eating habits over a course of time, or over drinking. This has as much power to kill an entire family.
Etymology
The word fart (in English) dates back to the Old English word feortan of Germanic and Proto-Indo-European origin: Greek περδομαι, Avestic prd, Russian пердь. It is widely speculated that the word is onomatopoeic in origin (as are many words for flatulence in other languages). Similar word in other languages include Furz in modern dialects of German, fjrt in Swedish, and fjert in Norwegian.
Excerpt from my Scientific Paper Transgressing the Boundaries: Towards a Transformative Hermeneutics of Tummy Disturbance:
"Here my aim is to carry these deep analyses one step farther, by taking account of recent developments in tummy “load” gravity: the emerging branch of Gastroenterology in which Heisenberg's tummy disturbance and Einstein's general “didn’t do it” relativity are at once synthesized and superseded. In tummy “load” gravity, as we shall see, the space-time manifold ceases to exist as an objective physical reality; geometry becomes relational and contextual; and the foundational conceptual categories of prior science -- among them, existence itself -- become problematized and relativized. This conceptual revolution, I will argue, has profound implications for the content of a future postmodern and liberatory science."